Okay, Diary. To say I’ve been scarce lately would be the understatement of the century, I realize. And to say that this was out of my control would be a complete and utter lie. In fact, on more than one occasion I’ve thought to myself, “Self, we should write in our blog,” and then, in the same natural way that one blinks their eyes or mindlessly snacks on a bag of candy in arms reach, the thought would leave me and return to the ether from whence it came.
So what spurred me to actually commit this time the thought occurred to me? The same thing that spurred me to start the blog in the first place: procrastination.
I should be studying for a test right now.
I’m taking my CCA exam on Tuesday (for those of you non-Citrix related folk, which I assume is basically everyone, that’s my “Citrix Certified Admin” exam). To say that I’m under-prepared would likely be the understatement of the millennium. I guess we’ll see. As it stands, I’m back to my typical mode of -not- studying and finding anything and everything else I can possibly do in its place. Such as returning to my blogging.
Another thing that spurred me on to write today is the fact that I have a bad habit of starting a hobby, loving it, giving it my full, undivided attention, and then watching it whither away (or not watch, as I typically turn to a new hobby and let the old one die slowly, alone). New hobby I’d like to take up: the cello. But I’ve resolved myself that in order to move on to yet another thing on my plate, I need to re-explore my old loves. Dust off the guitars, the bass, the dulcimer, and the piano. Break out my paints and a clean canvas. Actually open my sketch book. Write in my blog.
I’m discovering that it doesn’t make me interesting to have a lot of little things I’ve only ever dabbled in. It will, on the other hand, make me great to have proficiency with each of these pass-times. And my main goal here is to be great.
So let’s get back to this journal and the goals I set for it initially. I wanted to track my transition to Oklahoma: check. But likewise, I wanted to document this stage in my life so that, years from now, I can dust off the 22-or-23-year-old version of myself and remember exactly how it felt to be graduating, buying a house, getting married, starting a job, etc. etc. etc.
How do I feel? So stinkin’ happy. It’s occurred to me a number of times recently that I’m stressed out. I’m an official member of my team now with responsibilities and lots of studying to do (hopefully, next week, I’ll be a Citrix Certified Admin!), my parents are coming in town this evening so I need to clean some, and all of our wedding invites need to be addressed, stamped, and sealed so that they can be mailed out next week. Next Thursday I have to drive to College Station for a recruiting event on the 1st (Women in IT! Huzzah!), we need to purchase the decorations I’ve already picked out for the wedding, I need to get in one last dress fitting before my bridal portraits (and shower, which not-so-coincidentally happen to be the same weekend), call the hotel to verify the room bookings, figure out hair and makeup, and buy shoes and bridesmaids/groomsmen gifts. Plus, the groomsmen need something they can wear. Preferably.
So, in all of this stress, one would only assume that doubt might eerily be sneaking in, sliding up my back and in my ear as I lay dreaming about forgetting to pick up my dress or buy shoes. You would think.
But no. Not even a little bit; not yet, at least. In fact, which each passing day I become more and more assured that this is the right decision and that Daniel really is the one for me. Whether he’s cuddling with Moose (apologizing to him for yelling at him), surprising me with bubble baths when he leaves for work, taping up my back (which I threw out on Monday, booo), giggling while we make “determined” (aka grouchy, ugly) faces in the mirror when we’re doing bicycle sprints, or belting out Nelson at the top of his lungs in the car (“BABEH! I just can’t live without youuuur love and affection!”), I’m constantly reminded that I think he’s pretty great and that I literally laugh out loud at least once a day.
I also feel better. The food we eat is fantastic and I’m dropping inches like crazy (apologies to my seamstress, who’s likely going to hate me for having to take my dress in yet again), but I can’t help it. For the first time since college I’m in a routine; working out in the mornings and after work, eating really well, cooking my own food, and saying no to bagels because I’m really “just not that hungry.” I did yoga the other day for the first time in a long time and it was fantastic. I stretch a lot, but to just sit into the poses that I needed, just because I could, was amazing. I’m drawing pictures again (albeit in the margins of my exam notes, but still!), and I’m paying more attention to myself. I’m dressing sharper and putting more effort into looking professional at work, even on jeans Fridays.
I’m in a good place. There’s a lot going on, but I feel completely confident that it will all work out (things even work out in my nightmares: I forgot to buy wedding shoes? No bother, we’ll just go barefoot! It’s more artsy. I didn’t get my dress fitted? That’s okay, because it already fit well enough! Onward, ho!”). I’m really excited for the future, and, barring some horrible tragedy, there’s a lot of future to be excited for!
And, I promise, there will be more posts to come. 🙂